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Irrespective of one’s believes, religion, or race, the role and impact of parenthood and more particularly fatherhood on the lives of the children of our day cannot be understated. Parenting is the unending process of bringing up a child, biological and/or adopted. The goal of parenting is to nurture these young ones to grow up knowing how to coexist in society; and exhibit values considered as healthy for everyone. Values of love, compassion, hard work, fortitude, patience, kindness, and so forth are encouraged in every individual as a child. It is expected that these good values ingrained in children will evolve with the child as they grow into adults and integrate into the deciding mass.
Both parents are considered important and play pivotal roles in a child’s physiological, psychological and emotional development. The mother could be considered to provide emotional stability, love, compassion, kindness, giving, etc. And the father, discipline, resilience, security. One parent’s effort is good but not adequate. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 18.3 million children, 1 in 4, live without a biological, step or adoptive father in the home. Consequently, there is a “father factor” in nearly all the societal ills facing America today. Research shows when a child is raised in a father-absent home, he or she is affected in a number of ways. These children are more likely to
- face 4 times greater risk of poverty.
- more likely to become pregnant as a teen
- have behavioral problems
- face abuse and neglect
- face risk of infant mortality
- abuse drugs and alcohol
- go to prison
- commit crime
- drop out of high school (© National Fatherhood Initiative)
We witnessed a very public example of this in 2014 when Jeremy Meeks, rose to fame. The Stockton Police Department posted his mugshot on Facebook and it quickly went viral. With tens of thousands of likes, shares, and comments, Meeks became known as the “hot felon” and basically walked out of prison with a modeling contract.
Back Story
( https://www.livingmgz.com/glamour/what-you-didnt-know-about-jeremy-meeks/5.html?fps=fb&br_t=sa )
Meeks got caught up in the gang life at just 14 years old. With his father serving a life sentence, it seems Jeremy didn’t stand a chance. Luckily, these negative decisions led to an attractive mugshot that gave Meeks a second chance to have a better life. Meeks quickly became an online celebrity overnight, and as a result, his bail was raised to $780,000. Thanks to his thousands of followers, his mother was able to set up a GoFundMe page to raise bail money. His mugshot was all over the internet, but there was very little known about the ‘Blue-eyed Bandit.’ His good looks made his picture go viral and the only thing people knew of him was that he was a good-looking felon spending time in jail.
Meeks was born in Tacoma Washington State and described his childhood as “the life of any kid growing up in an inner-city environment with not very much money.” His father was sent to jail when Jeremy was just nine months old. Since his father was serving a life sentence, Meeks was raised by his mother, Katherine Angier, who was also a heroin addict at the time. Jeremy said the family always had money problems. As Jeremy got a little bit older, he was adopted by his sister and his brother so that he could have a better life. However, Meeks still thinks the reason he ended up in a gang was due to the lack of a strong father figure and role model. Jeremy is only lucky to have had a way out.
There are many reasons that a dad might choose to leave his family. One significant reason may be that he did not have a present or positive example of a dad in his own life. He didn’t have anyone to teach him what it means to be a father or demonstrate to him the steadfast love and self-sacrifice that fatherhood requires. This lack of example impacted his confidence and ability to parent his children and may have caused overwhelming fear when facing fatherhood. Whatever the reasons may be for fathers to exit the lives of their children, the impact is dire.
How can we stop this growing trend of absent fathers? And how can we break the cycle of devastation that it leaves in its wake?
Re-writing the Story
The truth is fathers cannot do it alone. They must recognize that they are first of all men who only a few years ago, they might have faced similar challenge of an absent father or may have dealt in drugs or some kind of emotional challenge. If you are one to have gone through any of these, your fate is not sealed. You have an opportunity to do good by your children by seeking counsel from fathers who have had similar troubles and are now doing well.
Do not hesitate to communicate your fears and doubts that you can do it. You can share these with your wife (a trusted and mature woman) or some other trusted person so that you can receive some form of reassurance and encouragement to keep trying.
You must understand and acknowledge that the journey of fatherhood once it begins, it never ends, thus, you have to continually keep yourself in a state where you can be a good role model to your children.
The underlying truth is seek help, always.
